Witty Wednesdays -

This week's comic is actually closely related to Monday's article. If you read it, you'll understand why. If you haven't, well... Why haven't you?

Sleep tight.

Music Mondays - Sing-Along Songs

I'm a creature of habit. One of my habits includes obsesively listening to songs and watching movies over and over again. Of course, my favorite combination of these two was always the sing-along-song videos we always had growing up.

Of these, my all-time favorite was one set entirely in Disneyland - Disneyland Fun!

Along with some old Disney favorites such as "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" and "Whistle While You Work", the collection also featured several songs based on the theme park itself, like "It's a Small World" and "I'm Walkin' Right Down the Middle of Main Street U.S.A."

Even watching them now, these songs put a grin on my face that only politics can wipe away. These videos were probably some of my first bits of exposure to musicals and musical theater, and I think that Disney was a huge part of lives of anyone who grew up in the nineties. I remember that my visits to Disney World were some of my most vivid memories, despite the fact that most of the rides terrified me. I liked being completely immersed in a world of fantasy. I expect that's true of most children), so naturally this video drew in more than the others, as it brought back a lot of what I felt on those visits.

Among the numbers in this video were two that especially marked me as a child: "Makin' Memories" and "Grim Grinnin' Ghosts".

Now, I know why "Grim Grinnin' Ghosts" has stuck with me all this time - because it thoroughly and completely terrified me as a child. I literally could not watch it. I remember constantly having to fast-forward through it because I knew that watching it would give me nightmares.

Like this, but with a much prettier nightgown.

I guess it follows that "Makin' Memories" would be the other number I'd remember, seeing as it directly preceded "Grim Ginnin' Ghosts". I remember that I could never fully enjoy the song as I kept anticipating the moment I'd have to quickly press fast-forward on the VCR remote and avert my eyes so as only to read the lyrics so I'd know when it was safe to look again...

It's funny because though I almost always skipped it, I've apparently watched "Grim Grinnin' Ghosts" enough times to remember most of the lyrics. The riff at the beginning though, the ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooooooh... That would haunt my dreams. If I remember correctly, it became my trademark creepy song whenever I made up stories or games as a kid. It was the scariest thing I'd ever watched until "Signs" in sixth grade.

"The Duck in the ghost costume... HE'S COMING!!!!!"

It's sort of an interesting contrast when you think of it - at least for the grown-ups watching - filling you up with nostalgia about happier times then WHAM a song that's basically a thinly-veiled reminder of your own mortality. Should this have been a Macabre Monday instead?

"Tonight, a commentary on our most ingrained fears." "Yaaaaaaaay!!!"

Did you watch Sing Along Songs as a kid? Did you watch them, perhaps, with kids of your own? Do you have any favorites?

Food For Thought - Funeral Dress

WARNING: This post contains images of bones, mummies, and other death-related things that some readers may find disturbing. If you'd like to read this post without pictures, please click here.

Everyone dies, and we've all probably thought a bit about what we want our loved ones to do with our remains. However, of all the arrangements we think about, furthest from my mind would be the clothes I'd be buried in. Even further from my mind would be the idea of being disinterred for the purposes of historical studies.

Of course, most of us are probably nowhere near as famous as, say, Eleanor of Toledo, who married Cosimo I de' Medici in 1539, effectively paving the way for the Medici's reign and is credited with being the first modern First Lady. She died in 1562 and was buried in this dress:

When the Medici tomb was opened in 1857, this was one of the artifacts recovered. You can read more about it and other 16th century funeral dresses here.

The extant dress, complete with lovely liquefied flesh stains.

Of course, we have always turned to burial sites and tombs as insights into cultures past. In some cases, these sites remain some of the last undisturbed sources of historical artifacts. However, when disturbing the rest of the dead, what (if any) rules should be followed? Is there a time limit before it becomes creepy? Is it ever okay to dig up the dead for the sake of posterity?

"This is totally for posterity. We swear."

I suppose that in the presence of plunderers and grave robbers it's better for archaeologists to do it methodically and respectfully. If it will be done by hoodlums better to have the items preserved in a museum and used to learn new things about cultures past. I guess if you decided to be buried with all kinds of crazy riches, that sort of thing is to be expected. There's bound to be at least person who adopts the "You Can't Take it With You" way of thinking. In countries like Peru, the sacking of tombs for pottery, jewelry and other artifacts is pretty much commonplace. This industry is sustained by a black market of private collectors and tourists who, despite countless warnings against the destruction of cultural heritage, still buy the stolen goods for the sake of owning a piece of history.

The results of grave robbery in Peru

That brings up another point; museums. Is it wrong to display the personal belongings (and even the bodies) of ancient and not-so-ancient peoples? At what point does it cross over from interesting to macabre to show corpses in glass cases? The mummies of Egyptian pharaohs don't seem to bother us too much, but what about the bodies of regular people, mummified naturally and were disinterred between 1865 and 1958 if and when family members were unable to pay the please don't dig up my dead relatives tax. Apparently the bodies were dumped in a warehouse, and the mummified bodies attracted enough attention to eventually warrant the construction of a museum for the corpses. No, seriously.

"Don't mind me, just acting out my last minutes of horror at being buried alive
for the price of admission."

How is this different from viewing the remains of a king? Does him being an important personage make it okay? I've always found museums to be spooky for this very reason: to see a person's entire life on display. Especially when so many different lives (and cultures) are crammed into one building. It must be at the very least bad karma.

"Nah, we're cool."

We don't really think about are adverse conditions in which our own bodies might be freakishly preserved and then put on display like the above-mentioned Mummies of Guanajuanto, so I assume we also wouldn't think about a situation where our entire city might become a walk-through horror show/monument. That's exactly what happened to the people of Pompeii and Herculaneum in 79CE when Mount Vesuvius Erupted and buried large expanses of both cities with unbelievably hot pumice and ash. Those who were unlucky enough to be in the path of this terrifying torrent had their lungs with hot ash with had the charming effect of both burning their lungs like rice paper and suffocating them at the same time. The pyroclastic flow was so fast that most people didn't even have time to react to what was happening to them, and their last moment was preserved long after their bodies had smoldered away, since the very pumice that killed them decided that the awful way in which it killed them wasn't awful enough and decided that preserving their grotesque final expressions was the perfect salt to rub into wound created when their brains exploded from the intense and sudden heat.

Asshole.

When Pompeii and Herculaneum were excavated, one of the archaeologists discovered that by encasing the skeletons they found in concrete, they could fill in the negative space left by the skin and organs to re-create and preserve these people's most terrifying moment.

"Thank God I can stay this way for all eternity."

Then we have places like the Sedlec Ossuary in Prague where the remains of between 40,000-70,000 people who died during the Black Plague and Hussite Wars. Oh, but it gets better. When they remodeled the church in the 19th Century, they looked around the Ossuary and thought, "Gee, these bones are a bit of a downer. Hey you, František Rint, can you do something about these bones?"

"That's much better"

Yeah. They basically turned it into the death-obsessed Victorians' wet dream. I don't get it either, but the necessity for burial space during outbreaks of Plagues and other Epidemics seems to be the perfect fodder for horror fests such as these. I remember being coerced into visiting countless catacombs when I lived in Peru.

"I DON'T CARE IF IT'S EMOTIONALLY SCARRING.
I ALREADY BOUGHT YOUR TICKET" (more or less)

Of course, nowadays our history books seems to glaze over a lot of the bits about death and dying and how a good chunk of our historical record of Past Civilizations comes from their tombs. Though I like it a lot more than the outlook we had just over a hundred years ago.

Because we want to remember our daughter as she was,
a lifeless, cold, dead-eyed corpse.

I'm not trying to prove a specific point here, mind you. I'm not trying to say that all museums should be torn down or that studying ancient cultures is wrong. I'm mostly musing. In fact, I'd really like to hear your opinions on the subject. What do you think?

Marketplace Mondays - Shoes, Shoes, Shoes!

Now, if you're like me, you abhor feet but are inexplicably obsessed with shoes. If you do, you'll be very excited by today's topic: where to buy the perfect shoes for your retro/vintage outfits!

First, I'll start off with the shoes that sparked the idea for this article: American Duchess' "Pompadour"

American Duchess makes shoes in the style of periods ranging from the 17th to the early 20th centuries. Being simple yet beautifully crafted and simply styled, they are perfect for the avid costumer as they can be worn with a variety of period costumes. Visit their website here.

Next we have ModCloth. They are well-known for their fabulous retro styles, but they also have a wide and varied collection of delightful footwear perfect for any vintage/retro wardrobe. Here are some of my favorites:

Finally, a great little boutique called Trashy Diva. They actually have two brick-and-mortar stores here in New Orleans, but most of their stock is also available online. Aside from a lovely line of vintage-inspired dresses for women and (just recently) children, Trashy Diva also carries an extensive line of quite spectacular shoes; shoes like these:

I hope these have got your toes tingling! Let me know in the comments if you get any of these shoes. I'd love to hear reviews!

Witty Wednesdays - The Poseidon Adventure

In following with my theme from last week, I've decided to put up another retro comic - from some of my early attempts at fancy picture-editing software. These were done after the remake of "The Poseidon Adventure" came out in 2006. These are the worst places to be on Poseidon:

Note: If you were confused, the comics with portholes were done with this in mind

Food For Thought - Beyoncé's "Countdown"

It seems that Mrs. Beyoncé Knowles-Z has decided that her entire career is going to be dedicated to providing fodder for my blog posts. I don't have a problem with that, I'm just sayin'... This time it's her new video for Countdown:

For me, the most obvious inspiration is right here:

Yes, everyone remembers that famous Gap commercial that features Audrey Hepburn dancing (but not wearing Gap clothing). Fewer people remember where that footage of Ms. Hepburn came from:

That dance comes from Funny Face, one of my all-time favorite movies, and clearly also one of Beyonce's, as she's drawn inspiration from it before. The outfits of the musicians match those of Hepburn's backup dancers, and even the layout of the bandstand shots mimics that of the nightclub set from the movie. The dancing, however, doesn't match. It clearly took me too long to write this article because just in the week or so since I began researching this article, there has been an explosion of press regarding similarities between "Countdown" and the choreography of Anne Teresa De Keersmaeker. To see a side-by-side comparison of De Keersmaeker and the music video, click here.

"Achterland", left, "Countdown", right.

Left and right, Beyoncé is being accused of stealing the choreography from De Keersmaeker. So much so that Knowles decided to release an alternate version of the video that excluded all of the controversial footage. Even De Keersmaeker herself had some things to say  about the music video, though she seems kinder than most. This is similar to the criticism rained down on Lady Gaga every time she does anything that even remotely resembles anything Madonna has done. Because Madonna has never, ever imitated anyone herself, right?

Right?

If you're like me, you were incessantly lectured about plagiarism in school (if you're really like me, you worries about being accused of plagiarizing even after taking every precaution to avoid it). What were the things we were told to do to ensure we weren't plagiarizing someone else's work?

• Re-write the information in your own words.
• Use multiple sources.
• Credit the author(s) of the work.

Knowles has done all but one of those things- she took the parts of the dances she liked and changed the context; she set it to different music and put different bits of the choreography together. De Keersmaeker has pointed out that even though they are performing the same dance, what Knowles and her dancers are doing is distinct from the films they mimic because of their context:

"In the 1980s, this was seen as a statement of girl power, based on assuming a feminine stance on sexual expression. I was often asked then if it was feminist. Now that I see Beyoncé dancing it, I find it pleasant but I don’t see any edge to it. It’s seductive in an entertaining consumerist way."

"Countdown", left. "Rosas danst Rosas", right.

Knowles also took inspiration from all kinds of other sources: Op art, Pop art, Mary Quant, Whtiney Houston... even Gap commercials! All of these things together created a unique work that is separate from all of its inspirations yet tied to them at the same time.

Now, I do believe Knowles and her team should have credited De Keersmaeker since they did borrow so heavily (and directly) from her, especially since they credited Boyz II Men after sampling from their song "Uhh, Ahh". However, according to a GQ interview with the video's director, Andria Petty, it was the team's intention to credit her but they overlooked this due to the tight deadline.

Can you say Andy Warhol?

This isn't the first time Knowles has borrowed heavily from others, nor will it be the last. This is also not the first time this sort of happened in the music video industry, nor in the music industry at large. Paula Abdul's "Rush Rush" is basically "Rebel Without a Cause", and Madonna's "Express Yourself" is basically "Metropolis". Music sampling has existed for decades. "Ice Ice Baby" sampled from "Under Pressure", "Rapper's Delight" sampled from "Good Times", "U Can't Touch This" sampled from "Super Freak"... The list goes on and on... If artists can't borrow from each other or imitate or build upon the work of others, then art cannot advance.

Knowles in Thierry Mugler

In addition, Beyoncé used the choreography to a different end than De Keersmaeker. The original footage was a work of choreography. It was a dance film. Knowles was presenting a video for her song. She was not presenting a dance, she was presenting a music video.

Finally, I think this whole climate of ideas as property contributes to rise of dangerous legislation such as CISPA. If we continue to consider artistic ideas as property in every context then we will be left with major corporations holding a monopoly on creativity because they're the only ones with the money to consistently defend "their" properties. We need to chill out about these kinds of things and start worrying about bigger problems.

Hope I haven't completely chewed off your ears!

Fabulous Find Friday / N'awlins - Thrifting in the Big Easy

If you're a huge history nerd, as I am, you probably really like thrifting, which is basically what young people call antiquing to avoid sounding like their parents, because heaven forbid we should be anything like the former generation. Anyway, there is one store in particular here in New Orleans (well, technically in Metairie, if one is being picky) that I've gone to several times and have always found the most amazing things: Renaissance Interiors. I was going to put up some of the stuff I found last time I went but it just got swept under the "I'm supposed to be looking for a job" rug... Here is the stuff I saw on both trips:

First off, we have a pair of lobster traps. Feels like something you would see in an Abercrombie & Fitch.

This is an early-mid 20th century washer/dryer.

This is a type of fainting couch called a Duchesse Brisée, which means "Broken Duchess" in French (apparently the name origin is unknown). These were the original sectional sofa, and I suppose it came about when it became too difficult to lift ladies into the actual couches. Instead they would just sit her in the chair, lift her legs and push the rest of the couch under her...

Just a cute old-timey phone.

Here's something for you Puritans out there - a bible box from 1673. Yeah, you're reading that date correctly:

This was amazing - it's an index typewriter, an alternative to the typewriter that never really caught on like its cousin the typewriter. Can you imagine what computers would look like if these had become the business standard? Here's one in action.

I bought this for my dad (shhhh). It's an old-fashioned film editing device from when they actually used film in Hollywood (gasp!).

Guh. I flipped when I saw this - and the mid-century ashtrays? Yes, please. This is why I need a mansion.

This globe just exudes a sober, scholarly atmosphere, doesn't it? Oh, wait. It's a bar.

Here's a portable gramophone from around WWI.

Just a normal, regular lamp, right? Nope - that's a turn-of-the-20th-century fire extinguisher.

This was neat - though it took me a second to realize it was a mirror...!

Here we have something incredible. Many of you probably know what a hope chest is (if you don't, it's essentially where a bride-to-be put all of the clothes, linens, etc., she anticipates using in married life). Well, here is an example from 1750.

The decoration was beautiful, and I believe the "Marie" emblazoned on both sides wasn't her name but was added when she got married or "mariée" in French.

Now, not everything in the place was an amazing treasure... In fact, there were a few less-than-memorable items. Others were good fodder for nightmares:

For the low, low price of your soul you can have your very own Gladys!

Happy Cinco de Mayo, readers!